There are some things that you should be told before you travel. Most of them relate to transportation in one way or another, and I am pretty sure that most of them are left unsaid out of some personal sadistic joy on the part of the silent friends. They are adhering to the classic "learn by experience" principle. This is wrong. I seek to enlighten by sharing some of my experiences from the last six weeks.
Planes
1) Prepare yourself for sickness. Seriously, this is the least of your worries, but be ready. I tried to do the math to calculate exactly how many germs were being recycled into my lungs during a 9+ hour flight, but then I remembered why I'm an English teacher and I stopped torturing my brain. Needless to say, there were enough germs to give me the plague.
2) Rows with escape hatches really do have more room. Don't neglect the "choose a seat" option when booking, and look for these. Most people decide window or aisle, but that is simply not enough. I am only 5'6" and my knees battered against the seat in front of me. While I probably have abnormally long, mutant femurs, I can't imagine that any non-mutants of, say, 5'7" or more can live through the contortion required of flying across "the pond" (incidentally, Brits, a lame moniker for something as large as, well, an ocean)! That "escape row" inch or two makes all the world happier.
3) Don't try to sneak into first class or you will get caught. And when you do (Little blonde girl with your snooty escort and ugly headpiece that looks like a twisty black tumor) and they escort you scowling back to your proper seat in my row, I will chuckle internally and grin out the window into the Czech night that hides my glee. Of course, then I will lament that I do not actually have a row to myself. Maybe chuckling was too much.
4) When you fly, know the customs and characteristics of people around you. For instance, you should know that Armenian men, while fit and handsome as youths, often grow portly and smoke too much as they age. To boot, they don't have the same relationship with "Sure" that we do in America, a fact that doesn't keep them from raising their arms. Not a problem until you are squished between two of them, they remove the armrests, and they begin to sprawl. Knowing the country will at least prepare you to take a sedative if needed. Yeah. It was as fun as you imagine.
5) When anyone with an official uniform barks at you in any language, just try to comply while making it clear that you only speak English. Follow this immediately with acute regret that you only speak English.
6) When a nice-looking German man smiles at you more than once while flying home, makes a point of talking to you as you deplane, waits for you at customs, and then invites you to dinner in the airport, you just say, "yes" because there really is no other answer. ;)
Trains
1) When riding a train between countries in Europe, do not believe the "reserved" signs on seats or you won't find one. When you have a Misha to point this out, you get a seat. When you don't, you spend the whole ride in a dining car, smiling at the waiter, making bread and jam and coffee last 2 hours so you can save precious Euros.
2) Each country, heck, each city has a different definition of "single ride" and "day" tickets for public transport. This is a good lesson to know BEFORE you are pulled off of a tram by ticket checkers who inform you that your "day" ticket was not for 24 hours, but rather expired at 4am. If this does happen to you, smile a lot, be really sweet and explain that you couldn't understand the German writing on the ticket. Then smile more. If you execute this correctly, the nice man will smile back, give you a warning instead of a 40 Euro fine, and give you a free hour to ride the tram so you can finish your trip. (I also got a free 10 Euro credit for my German cell phone this day by smiling and being sweet, but I digress.)
Automobiles
This is easy: People in other countries (read Armenia here) don't actually follow laws or believe that lights mean anything or give the right of way to pedestrians in crosswalks WHO HAVE WALK SIGNALS. They will run you over. They will feel bad about it, but it won't trouble them for long. How dare you walk when the little green man tells you too! They also will make 4 lanes where only 2 exist, pass on curves and with no sight-line, and just generally terrify you every moment that you are on any street in their country. You will love their country anyway, but you will fear. And speaking of fear, I must give a nod to the Germans here: the autobahn is a little scary at 160km/hr.
Happy travels. Start the joyful planning NOW!
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